Retrospective

I am a person that over analyzes everyting. I think and think and think about every single thing that happens in my live. That makes me (i think) be a better person and change if i see the need!!! I stand behind every word that i write in here, but i have been very negative in everything that i have said. Now that life starts getting into a normality i have to admit that im thankfull for everything that have happened in this last months. And lets start from the beginning. I am thankfull for everything that she has done for me. Not going to write about every single thing, but the pain that i have been through because of everything of what she has done, have been good. She have shown me what i dont want for me. The type of person that i hope to find a day. The type of person that i dont want to be. And the type of life that i want for me. I know who i am and that will never change, but the negative side of me, the person that was stuck in his own ways, its starting to vanish. I see positivity everywhere i go. Im open to new experiences and i want to live life. If it is by my own, so be it. Thats not a problem. But i have woken up from a long sleep, that i have allowed myself to be in. I am very lucky to have the job that i have, to have the family that i have, the friends, the life, everything really. And if it wanst for her, probably i wouldnt be able to see that. Yes i dont want to see her, think or even talk about her. What i want really is to forget about her. But again, if it wasnt for her i wouldnt be in the position that i am now. We human beings have the tendency to see the negative when we have to deal with pain, and i have done that. But the fact is if we are able to get over that and actually see what took us to the place we are at the moment, we might see a different side of life. Yes im alone and yes i feel lonely sometimes, but the fact is that i have woken up every single morning happy, wanting to go to work and been having an amazing time. I come home and look after myself. Something that ive always loved to do and forgot about it. I got used to the life that i had. Ive allowed someone to do everything for me. Ive let, and gave the chance for that person to make all the decisions. And i forgot about me. I say to everyone that if it wasnt the fact that i found out that she started giving attention to someone one week before we broke up, that it was all my fault. And maybe it was. But thats wrong. I should never have allowed myself to forget who i am and what i believe in. Cause everything that i said ended up happening. I have always said we needed to talk about everything! And we stopped talking long before everything went down the drain. We needed to do things together. We stopped doing it. We needed to be honest. And she stopped being it. We needed to be happy. And we have stopped being long before everything went down the drain. Thats the reality!!!! Things are what they are, and we are allowed to believe in what we want. But the important is to actually understand what took us to everything that happened. And i have understood and accepted that i need to be myself and not what someone else wants. Yes i need to adapt myself to this world that we live in, but never stop being myself. Im re-discovering myself and that makes me happy!!! Very very happy. And because of that i need to thank her for everything she has done. Good and bad!!! I write less and less cause im so positive that i do not see the point of doing it. However i will carry on doing it cause its relaxing and i want to keep a diary of things that happen with me. This will be hopefully in the future a good reading for my son when he is old enough to understand things and good for me to keep remembering me the things i have been throught and took me to be the person that i might be. So again, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. THE GOOD ONES! AND THE BAD ONES! I really hope you can be happy. But just not with me!!!! Love life and be kind.