What to say? Last week i just wanted… From getting a call from the mechanic saying the car was good to the scrap yard, son and mum testing positive, the tooth ache coming to say hi again to the airpods on the washing machine and bin… All in 4 days!! Want to give me a break?? Anyway, i founf myself telling my mum, that when i had problems in the past i was more happy and knew what to do and what direction to take. And more and more thats true. I can focus, forget the voices in my head and just fight for what i want and need. Also gives me motivation to get up in the morning and go to work. Its been a pain recently. Not because of the people i work with or costumers but i only see negative things. What a difference 1 year made. Work was everything to me, but now… Just dont want to be there. And its just not there, i think its everywhere. Even the therapy i wasnt impressed this time. It was good dont get me wrong, but i dont want just to talk. I want to be given tools to work myself to change the things im not happy with! On the positive side, i see some changes in me that i like. I dont loose it anymore at work (only after 3pm to close down), i dont stress unless its 3pm. I got back to cooking, not regularly but still better that not cooking. I planned a dinner for this week with my close friends and found out that they were planning a surprise dinner for me to lift me up (and in particularly coming from the person that never plans anything!), the love for my cards (MTG) is coming back slowly (i think that the fact that i shared that with someone that doesnt exist anymore, made me loose the interest!), i see myself again gaining interest into doing things, planning things, or the interest in planning them are back (holidays booked to bring my son and mum, and go spend some days back home with all of them). Still on the plans to plan a few days away with friends to party hard!!!! I dont know how to put it in words, i only know that makes me happy to see the person that i was before. Or maybe not the person but the strength that i had! The spark that when i want something no one can stop me! I have reduced now to 3-5 cigs a day! The goal is that on the 31st June i stop completely. Not too much pressure but with a goal in mind. The day that i turn 40 will be my last day smoking. And probably some more things that i just cant remember. Maybe that means they werent important!?
All in all, now that im writing and reviewing what i write i get the feeling that actually wasnt a bad week after all! Its funny how sometimes a different perspective can make how you see things differently!
WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOneOpens 