What to do, what to say, what to think… After 3 weeks of texts and phone calls, we finally meet. We spent the day together… I was dreading it, scared, nervous, excited, a bit of everything really. Even when i was smoking just before the time, i was looking for excuses to cancel it (last minute has always). The thing is, i had an amazing day, where all the fears went down the drain as soon as i saw her. The feeling hugging her after asking if i could was…. Cant describe it. The first minutes searching for words to make conversation, looking at her face (like if i was trying to convince myself it was real) looking for something different on her… I cant describe it really. While i recreate yesterday moments in my head looking to put it to words, i really cant. It does bring me a smile to my face and loads of questions, but for the first time in years i am not overthinking it… Or too much… Everything just came out natural. The conversations, the small moments, the looks, the smiles, the laughs… Everything was natural. Even the brief moments where we discussed the past… And surprisingly after we went back to our own lives, we managed to spend 3/4 hours facetiming what we were doing and playing with the emojis!!!!!! Feeling like a kid really! Not saying all was perfect, but it was near perfection!!!!!! Maybe this is the overthinking part that i dont realize. None the less, it was good. And i loved the feeling. Ive texted her saying that i would like to spend more time whit her and carry on talking with her, but i understood if she couldnt or want. She called me saying she only had the tuesdays free, cause the rest of the time shes with the son. Now this can be seen in very different ways. I know how i treated all my girlfriends until (in my view), it was time for them to meet. So i guess now is the time i need to put the effort if i want to see where this is going. Its time to give a chance to the unknow and go with the flow. Still dont know if this is the best for me at the moment, but i will never be happy with myself if i dont give it a chance. And better cry for trying than not trying.
I been having this feelling that i want to live a love story (for months if not years). But the fact is that i never have actually made anything to live one. So maybe now is the time for it. If you dont try you dont know. And you only live once!!!!!!!
WhenOneDoorClosesAnotherOneOpens 